Fair warning, this post won't be about SEL as much as it will be about my own reflections from my seminar. Also, as much as I would like to say I regret not blogging, this program has kept me from my initial goal of a once a week post (which I am totally ok with, I'm learning too much here!)
So, to provide background, I am currently at IUPUI (in fact in their wonderful library) in the Midwest city of Indianapolis where I am studying under Edward Curtis IV. Along with 15 other teachers from around the country, we are exploring the complex and wonderful history of Muslim American history and life in the United States. More information can be found here. This was a huge step outside of my comfort zone. As an introvert with anxiety, traveling 600+ miles from home, on my own, to study something I had very little knowledge of with teachers who are much more experienced in their craft was overwhelming. Yet, I got in my car on July 7th and made the journey here. And what a journey it has been.
I do not want to discount what I have learned about the history and life of Muslim Americans. I have been studying in detail these wonderful narratives for two weeks. However, that is not the focus of my writing today. For those interested, fear not, I will have plenty to say about my academic knowledge in the near future and I'll have lots of wonderful materials to share out.
Instead, I want to focus on what I have learned about myself as an educator, about educators in general, and about my own sense of self and growth.
1. We all have 1 goal: our kids. This is an obvious lesson, but I think its one that always bears repeating. In the last 2 weeks I have sat next to, discussed text and history with, dined with, raised a glass with, and wandered Krogers with some amazing educators. And no matter what type of school we teach in, what resources our schools and states have, or what age and subject we teach, we all want what is best for our kids. Our conversations debating the role of choice and power within the Muslim faith have all been illuminated by our passion for our children. We have attempted to add context and understanding to every piece we read in attempts to better understand the religion we are studying. This is a natural phenomenon for teachers, I believe. We always recognize the multiple sides to the story in our students. We are always looking to increase understanding and acceptance. And because of that passion, we offer an important lens to view society. When our goal is our kids and their safety and success, then our way to see the world and its past is to find the best in others and create avenues for everyone to have a voice. We do it every day in our classrooms. Our common goal unites us, but also has such potential to unite those around us.
2. The best way to figure out who you are is to be the only one around you that knows you. That seem quite confusing, and it is. It also is deeply personal and has nothing to due with teaching (at least on the surface). For me, this experience has been eye opening to the person I am and want to be. As I enter in to my 5th school year, and finish up my 4th year overall, I have continually redefined who I am as both an educator and as a person. I started working at my current school in December, after my May graduation. I was 21 years old. I still lived at home, and most of my friends were still in college. I was afraid I would not be successful in the job I had been dreaming of since I was five.
As my career advanced, I quickly moved out of my parents house and began the journey of finding who I was. However, I always felt like I had to be someone for others. As the youngest teacher in my building for the first 2 and a half years, I allowed myself to be defined by my age. I was everyone's "tech girl" and felt like I was expected to participate in every activity because of my youth (this of course was not the case, my colleagues are wonderful, I am just a worrier!). In my second year I remember attending a PD where an admin told me I wasn't an introvert, because he had seen me teach. This was difficult for me- I had always used that word to define who I was and navigate my choices. But he said it, so I thought it had to be true. I allowed my ability to maneuver through Google Apps to define the roles I played within my team, though technology has never been my favorite way to teach. In fact, when a colleague popped in to my room for our monthly "Pop-in" program, she commented on how she always thought I used tech. The following "pop-ins" I was sure to infuse tech, even if it wasn't where I was comfortable. This all extended in to my personal relationships as well. I hid my paper calendars and post its notes from many who assumed I was a Google Calendar gal. I responded yes to every social event, even if it meant sitting in the parking lot of the restaurant until I saw someone I knew walk in so I could shadow them the entire time. And then, even in situations where I was confident and knowledgable, I played a spectator role. I always said yes, but I was rarely an active participant. Now yes, some of this comes from my introversion and anxiety. But more of it, especially in connection to colleagues, was in an effort to present the version of myself that I believed they wanted. (I can't stress enough, this was all going on in my head. I work with wonderful people who I know will accept me in whatever way I present myself)
But here, in Indy, where I am playing both the role of the teacher and the learner, as well as just a person (crazy, right? Teachers are people too), I have had the chance to present myself in whatever way I want. After all, no one here knows that I am an introvert, or that I struggle with anxiety. It was liberating! And I have had the chance to be exactly who I want to be. I've attended a baseball game where I got to be honest about the fact that I don't really like baseball, but I love stadium hotdogs. I went to (and won! yay team) trivia night at a local bar where I was not ashamed of my extensive knowledge of 2008 pop music. There was a moment the other night, when a fellow participant said "Kaity really means what she says. Don't mess with her", and in that moment I was so proud of myself, because that is the person I've always wanted to be seen as, but have never felt that I could or should project that. (I will admit, that comment did not come after some deep insightful discussion about Islam, it came as we walked to trivia and I proclaimed that "barnes and noble, though great, is not a real bookstore, but still).
Being in a place where no one knows you means you get to redefine who you are. I teach my 6th graders that every September. But the additional step that now excited me so much is now that I have a better grasp on who I am and who I want others to see me as, I can bring that back to my "real life" and stand a little (or maybe in a lot) taller.
3. Redefining yourself doesn't mean changing yourself. It can mean embracing yourself. With the previous point in mind, one of the most interesting things I have learned about myself here is that I am not afraid to tell others who I am. Within the first few days of this program, I proclaimed to many that I am an introvert, that I am highly anxious, that I worry about ridiculous things, that I'm a messy person, etc. Basically I have embraced who I am and have shared it with others. And it was easy to do! It caused me no pain to explain why I'm not always jumping in to our socratic discussions because of my introversion, and I was not judged for that behavior either. No one mocked me for my anxiety in needing to print doubles of the materials just in case, or drive 45 min to Target because I really felt like our lesson needed poster board. I was clear about why I needed to do these things, or why I behaved in that way, with those around me, and it was accepted. That is not to say that I feel like I owe others an explanation for my actions, but rather that I felt liberation in explaining my actions. My constant need to rationalize my decisions has been welcomed by those around me, but most importantly, by my own self.
I am very aware that this post in long and that it has little to do with education. If you stuck around for the entire post, rock on! I will have much more to say, and will get back to the teaching as well, in the near future. But I wanted to get this all down too. I am here in Indy for another week and am excited about all that is left to learn!
Feel free to leave a comment below!
So, to provide background, I am currently at IUPUI (in fact in their wonderful library) in the Midwest city of Indianapolis where I am studying under Edward Curtis IV. Along with 15 other teachers from around the country, we are exploring the complex and wonderful history of Muslim American history and life in the United States. More information can be found here. This was a huge step outside of my comfort zone. As an introvert with anxiety, traveling 600+ miles from home, on my own, to study something I had very little knowledge of with teachers who are much more experienced in their craft was overwhelming. Yet, I got in my car on July 7th and made the journey here. And what a journey it has been.
I do not want to discount what I have learned about the history and life of Muslim Americans. I have been studying in detail these wonderful narratives for two weeks. However, that is not the focus of my writing today. For those interested, fear not, I will have plenty to say about my academic knowledge in the near future and I'll have lots of wonderful materials to share out.
Instead, I want to focus on what I have learned about myself as an educator, about educators in general, and about my own sense of self and growth.
1. We all have 1 goal: our kids. This is an obvious lesson, but I think its one that always bears repeating. In the last 2 weeks I have sat next to, discussed text and history with, dined with, raised a glass with, and wandered Krogers with some amazing educators. And no matter what type of school we teach in, what resources our schools and states have, or what age and subject we teach, we all want what is best for our kids. Our conversations debating the role of choice and power within the Muslim faith have all been illuminated by our passion for our children. We have attempted to add context and understanding to every piece we read in attempts to better understand the religion we are studying. This is a natural phenomenon for teachers, I believe. We always recognize the multiple sides to the story in our students. We are always looking to increase understanding and acceptance. And because of that passion, we offer an important lens to view society. When our goal is our kids and their safety and success, then our way to see the world and its past is to find the best in others and create avenues for everyone to have a voice. We do it every day in our classrooms. Our common goal unites us, but also has such potential to unite those around us.
2. The best way to figure out who you are is to be the only one around you that knows you. That seem quite confusing, and it is. It also is deeply personal and has nothing to due with teaching (at least on the surface). For me, this experience has been eye opening to the person I am and want to be. As I enter in to my 5th school year, and finish up my 4th year overall, I have continually redefined who I am as both an educator and as a person. I started working at my current school in December, after my May graduation. I was 21 years old. I still lived at home, and most of my friends were still in college. I was afraid I would not be successful in the job I had been dreaming of since I was five.
As my career advanced, I quickly moved out of my parents house and began the journey of finding who I was. However, I always felt like I had to be someone for others. As the youngest teacher in my building for the first 2 and a half years, I allowed myself to be defined by my age. I was everyone's "tech girl" and felt like I was expected to participate in every activity because of my youth (this of course was not the case, my colleagues are wonderful, I am just a worrier!). In my second year I remember attending a PD where an admin told me I wasn't an introvert, because he had seen me teach. This was difficult for me- I had always used that word to define who I was and navigate my choices. But he said it, so I thought it had to be true. I allowed my ability to maneuver through Google Apps to define the roles I played within my team, though technology has never been my favorite way to teach. In fact, when a colleague popped in to my room for our monthly "Pop-in" program, she commented on how she always thought I used tech. The following "pop-ins" I was sure to infuse tech, even if it wasn't where I was comfortable. This all extended in to my personal relationships as well. I hid my paper calendars and post its notes from many who assumed I was a Google Calendar gal. I responded yes to every social event, even if it meant sitting in the parking lot of the restaurant until I saw someone I knew walk in so I could shadow them the entire time. And then, even in situations where I was confident and knowledgable, I played a spectator role. I always said yes, but I was rarely an active participant. Now yes, some of this comes from my introversion and anxiety. But more of it, especially in connection to colleagues, was in an effort to present the version of myself that I believed they wanted. (I can't stress enough, this was all going on in my head. I work with wonderful people who I know will accept me in whatever way I present myself)
But here, in Indy, where I am playing both the role of the teacher and the learner, as well as just a person (crazy, right? Teachers are people too), I have had the chance to present myself in whatever way I want. After all, no one here knows that I am an introvert, or that I struggle with anxiety. It was liberating! And I have had the chance to be exactly who I want to be. I've attended a baseball game where I got to be honest about the fact that I don't really like baseball, but I love stadium hotdogs. I went to (and won! yay team) trivia night at a local bar where I was not ashamed of my extensive knowledge of 2008 pop music. There was a moment the other night, when a fellow participant said "Kaity really means what she says. Don't mess with her", and in that moment I was so proud of myself, because that is the person I've always wanted to be seen as, but have never felt that I could or should project that. (I will admit, that comment did not come after some deep insightful discussion about Islam, it came as we walked to trivia and I proclaimed that "barnes and noble, though great, is not a real bookstore, but still).
Being in a place where no one knows you means you get to redefine who you are. I teach my 6th graders that every September. But the additional step that now excited me so much is now that I have a better grasp on who I am and who I want others to see me as, I can bring that back to my "real life" and stand a little (or maybe in a lot) taller.
3. Redefining yourself doesn't mean changing yourself. It can mean embracing yourself. With the previous point in mind, one of the most interesting things I have learned about myself here is that I am not afraid to tell others who I am. Within the first few days of this program, I proclaimed to many that I am an introvert, that I am highly anxious, that I worry about ridiculous things, that I'm a messy person, etc. Basically I have embraced who I am and have shared it with others. And it was easy to do! It caused me no pain to explain why I'm not always jumping in to our socratic discussions because of my introversion, and I was not judged for that behavior either. No one mocked me for my anxiety in needing to print doubles of the materials just in case, or drive 45 min to Target because I really felt like our lesson needed poster board. I was clear about why I needed to do these things, or why I behaved in that way, with those around me, and it was accepted. That is not to say that I feel like I owe others an explanation for my actions, but rather that I felt liberation in explaining my actions. My constant need to rationalize my decisions has been welcomed by those around me, but most importantly, by my own self.
I am very aware that this post in long and that it has little to do with education. If you stuck around for the entire post, rock on! I will have much more to say, and will get back to the teaching as well, in the near future. But I wanted to get this all down too. I am here in Indy for another week and am excited about all that is left to learn!
Feel free to leave a comment below!